Posted by Conor Duffy on Sep 1st, 2009
Welcome to the final weekly update of Fat Boy Vs Wii, my attempt to lose weight without changing my diet or making any other great lifestyle changes. My exercise regime has been based almost entirely around Wii Fit and walking to the store, so it’s time to see what effect my somewhat minimal effort has had on my waistline.
If you’ll remember, my goal was to lose 5kg (11lbs) in eight weeks – hardly the most difficult task I’ve set for myself, but then, considering I prefer to spend as much time as possible lying on my ass, this wasn’t going to be very easy, either. What followed was a pretty regular pattern – I’d lose a couple of hundred grams a day, then something would happen over the weekend that would send my weight up again, before I finally work my ass off to reach my goal.
All the while, the animated Wii Fit board would berate me for my weight gain and make me feel guilty for not exercising more, a bit like an electronic version of my fiancée’s mother (*rimshot*). While making me resent an inanimate object was an unfortunate side effect, I must admit I seemed to be getting fitter and managed to trim down a bit more (when I wasn’t drinking or eating lots of chocolate. So, like, every other day.)
Asshole.
Much of my thirty minutes was spent on aerobic exercise, designed to burn fat, with a few muscle-building exercises to tone my flabby gut. Helping me on my way was my trainer Yolanda, a spunky young woman determined to get me moving with motivational phrases like, “That’s it!,” “You’ve been doing this for a while!” and “Try to make your movements a little more lively!”
Actually, none of those motivated me at all. But I can crunch like no one else!
So we’re here, eight weeks after I started, and how are things looking? Well, they’d probably look better if I didn’t go to the cinema twice this weekend. What can I say, when I go see a movie I like to eat Maltesers. But they’re the lighter way to enjoy chocolate, God damn it! Anyway, after eight long weeks of… not actually trying all that hard, I’ve somehow managed to lose a grand total of 3.3kg (7.3lbs) – about the size of your average baby. So hey, I can say that I lost a human being in weight, but it wasn’t the full five kilos. Still, there are technically three more days before I reach my actual deadline, which is plenty of time to lose at least another kilogram. I’ll write a full epilogue on the 4th of September, so until then, keep eating that doughnut, because if my lazy ass could lose weight, so can you.
Related posts:
- Fat Boy Vs Wii: Week 5
- Fat Boy Vs Wii: Week 6
- Fat Boy Vs Wii: Week 2
- Fat Boy Vs Wii: Week 7
- Fat Boy Vs Wii: Week One
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