I literally found the flower by accident. I just happened to walk by and spotted it on the ground, right there in the first area. Can you imagine how pissed off you’d be if you travelled through numerous areas, slaying dozens of evil beings, only to come back and find the bloody thing was right there, almost at the start of the God damn game? You could easily miss the flower, as it’s only just brighter than the surrounding scenery, and considering some of the weird crap you pass on your journey it would be really easy to not give it a second glance.

So I took the stupid flower back to Kottom, who then tells me I have to go find some other wizard, who’ll tell me how I can start breaking the seal that keeps Kottom trapped in a pentangle. And then I upgrade to Level 2. That’s right – I wandered around for fifteen minutes and killed everything in my path, but I couldn’t level up until I brought this flower back to Kottom. Sure, nothing stops me from levelling up once I’ve gained enough experience points after that, but it’s still military grade BS if ever I saw it.

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, every time to go back to an area you’ve previously cleared of bad guys, all of the monsters respawn in the exact same places they were last time. I can understand why you’d have creatures respawn – no one wants to have to trudge through empty room after empty room – but seriously, all of them? And every time you come back? This means that if you struggle and fight and defeat a powerful enemy, something that drained you of energy, spells and mana, you’ll have to fight that same enemy all over again when you next return to that area.

And you meet some real bastards in this game, really quickly. I was continuing my blind search through this giant Hell world when I bumped into not one, but two soldiers who were invincible to everything. I threw every spell and incantation I had at these assholes and they took it like I was attacking them with a fly swatter. And let me tell you, some of those spells cost a lot of mana. But that’s OK, because your health and mana automatically replenish themselves over time – as long as you’re standing still. I didn’t really have that luxury, so what I ended up doing was running in a circle as these two pricks chased after me, using as many of the piss poor health and mana potions as I could, depleting my inventory of any worthwhile items. And even then I had to give up and retreat back to an easier area.

But at least they weren’t the dark mages. Oh, let me tell you, I fired poisoned darts and fire lances at them for a grand total of one hit point! So I was left to just run around even more, trying to avoid their attacks, while all the time skeleton warriors and archers were turning me into Swiss cheese. Eventually I ran out of mana altogether and had no choice but to change into warrior mode, which went about as well as you’d expect.

For those of you interested, I did reach the other wizard on at least one occasion. After boring me to tears with what I think was an attempt on the writer’s part at humour, the wise old wizard started listing about a dozen items that I had to obtain for him. At first I thought this was another joke, but no – you actually do have to find all of these things. Then, assuming you can find him again, you have to go back, at which point you’ll no doubt be sent on another contrived scavenger hunt.

I guess this is why I don’t play many RPGs – I’ll run around to a certain extent, but don’t send me halfway across the planet for a friggin’ unicorn hoof, only to tell me I got the wrong one. What fun I found in King’s Island has been completely squeezed out of its sequel, leaving a drawn-out, laborious affair that doesn’t allow you half the customisation it promises. If you really like playing as the mage and have the patience to work your way through the confusing maze of dull grey city streets, then maybe you’ll really enjoy King’s Island 2. Just don’t expect an invitation to my guild.

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Related posts:

1. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Flash Runner
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