Hello and welcome to the first Big Mean Flash Gamer of 2010 – indeed, of the decade. Following last week’s abomination, I hope you can understand when I say this week’s game isn’t as woefully awful as you’d usually expect. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever find anything that reached the heights/plumbed the depths (delete as appropriate) of Platform Robot 2 ever again.This is not something I cry myself to sleep over. But so great was that – ugh – game’s impact on me, I retreated to something that was poor, but which didn’t make me want to eat my own face.

Smash Boxing is a 2D flash beat-’em-up in which four gangs vie to be kings of the street, or something, through a series of bareknuckle boxing matches. Naturally it’s all very dark and gritty, with tough hoods engaging in no holds barred fisticuffs. Or at least that’s the idea.

One positive thing that struck me was the impressive number of characters available. Each gang has five members, giving you a full roster of twenty to choose from. What’s not so hot is how every character looks so ridiculously stereotypical, meaning it’s hard to take any of them seriously. They remind me of what network executives working on 1980s TV dramas thought inner city gangs looked like. If these guys making stupid macho faces actually walked through South Central LA, they’d probably end up stripped of their clothing and tied to a lamp post outside the local VFW hall. Those characters who don’t look like idiots just look scared and/or stoned, neither qualities one looks for in a street fighter.

The game itself looks OK. It’s not great, but it doesn’t annoy or induce a migraine. The graphics are pretty much like everything else in Smash Boxing. The controls? They’re OK. The animation? It’s all right. The music? Generic, but it’s not awful. Such is the paucity of ideas or innovation that Smash Boxing becomes a victory in mediocrity, if nothing else.

Anyway, the game itself takes place in some kind of basement or alley with a boxing ring surrounded by barbed wire ropes. Doesn’t that sound just a little bit like overkill, guys? Every street fight I’ve ever watched on Youtube has been little more than two fat men stripping to the waist and throwing wild, drunken punches. Even Fight Club kept things simple with a padded floor. It doesn’t really matter, as the ropes are nothing more than a barrier for the sprites and you don’t get hurt for walking up to them. It just seems so over the top that, again, any sense of drama is erased. The characters’ movements are solid, if unspectacular, but hit detection and character reactions are poor. You can easily find yourself eating half a dozen punches without any chance of escape. Not being able to punch as you move backwards is also a problem; in fact, if you want to punch or hold guard, you have to stop moving completely. Attacking and defending on the move is a big part of actual boxing, so it doesn’t say much for the developers of Smash Boxing that they couldn’t do anything to improve the lacklustre controls.

Put up your dukes (momentarily) on Page 2.

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Related posts:

1. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Micro Rider
2. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Xnail
3. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Flash Runner
4. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Platform Robot 2
5. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Spooky Love

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Related posts:

1. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Micro Rider
2. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Xnail
3. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Flash Runner
4. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Platform Robot 2
5. Big Mean Flash Gamer: Spooky Love